It's My Birthday, And I'll Post What I Want

That's right--September 15th is my birthday, a date I share with Prince Harry, Dan Marino, Tommy Lee Jones, Oliver Stone, Merlin Olsen, Jackie Cooper, Fay Wray, Roy Acuff, Agatha Christie, Robert Benchley, and our 27th president, William H. Taft.

And since it's my birthday, I think it's only fair that I post anything I want--which means I think I'll post another photo of Jennifer Aniston in a bikini--



There have been a LOT of photos of Jen in a bikini this year. And no, I'm not complaining. In fact, there have been so many that it has vaulted Jennifer Aniston to the top of my Celebrities I'd Love To Spank list. Helen Hunt was there for a while, Halle Berry had it most recently but now moves down to number two. Jen tops the list.

It must be a tough to be Jennifer Aniston--her schedule seems to be wake up, breakfast, lay out by the pool for 2 hours, exercise, have lunch, lay out by the pool for two hours, then get ready for a dinner date with some good-looking musician or movie star. Poor girl. The last rumor I heard had her being seen with Gerard Butler. And I know a lot of ladies who have Gerard on their own Celebrities I'd Love To Be Spanked By list.

And now, for no reason other than it's my birthday--this photo--

Do I really need to tell you what I like about this photo?

And finally, I'm going to re-visit the Jessica Simpson photo I ran a couple of posts ago. When I first went looking for a photo of her wardrobe malfunction from her appearance on "Good Morning America" I could only find one photo--a high resolution photo that I used in the post. My computer, though, is about 10 years old and doesn't handle high-res photos that well sometimes. And on my computer, the Jessica Simpson photo just didn't look quite right. (Perhaps it looks okay to you--I don't know.) But now that a few more days have passed, there are other copies of the photo out there, and I found one that looks good on my computer (along with a close-up).

Thanks to everyone who drops by my blog. That's the best birthday present I could ask for. And go out and do something special for yourselves on my birthday. We may as well all celebrate!

It's In The By-Laws....

ANNOUNCER: "....and finally, just a reminder, any contestant NOT holding her number properly will get a sound spanking from each and every one of our judges....."

Hey, Jessica Simpson! Forget Something?

Jessica: "Dang, it's kind of breezy out here. I wonder--did I forget to put on my, um.....my.....oh, you know, those things that you wear under clothes, those.......ohhhh, those things you wear under......"

"Oh, well, no big whoop. Just as long as my boyfriend Tony doesn't find out. He'd spank my bottom from here to Tuesday. Thank goodness there's no way he can learn about this...."

Radio Spanko

A couple of posts back I told you about The Cooper Lawrence Show, a radio show I listen to while I'm at work. Naturally, there's a show on air before Cooper's show, and I listen to that one, as well. From 3 p.m. to 6 p.m., Fm 107.1 here in Minnesota is host to the Lori and Julia Show. Lori and Julia are two local radio personalities. They're good friends and sisters-in-law, as well.
And I think one of them may just be a little bit of a spanko.

The seed was planted some time ago--far enough in the past that I don't even remember when it was, or exactly what was being talked about. Lori was telling a story on herself about some mischief she'd gotten into. I was only half-listening, so I don't know the exact context of what she'd been up to or the trouble she got herself into with her husband, but my ears perked up when Lori mentioned her husband and added that she "let" him punish her, and that he seemed to enjoy it.

Now, she never specified what form the "punishment" took, but you know exactly where my mind went. I filed the notion away in my memory--just a little something to keep in mind.

I was listening to the show last week, and the topic of the misprinted "Duck Stamp" came up. Perhaps you've heard about this gaffe. Duck stamps are required in the United States to hunt migratory waterfowl, or ducks in layman's terms. They can be ordered over the phone. EXCEPT--the carrier card for the duck stamps had two digits transposed, effectively changing the number from 1-800-STAMP24 to 1-800-TRAMP24. In total, about 3.5 million cards were printed with the wrong number. And the wrong number connected all callers to a phone sex service.

Because of the number of cards involved, it was decided that it would cost too much to reprint the stamps, and so they're just going to go ahead and use the stamps as printed while making people aware of the phone number mistake.

Lori and Julia were talking about this on their show. Julia asked Donny (their technical producer, I think) if he had ever called such a number. He said no. Julia then said that the girls at these numbers must work from scripts, like, "Redhead" or "Blonde with big boobs."

At which point Lori chimed in, pretending to be one of the operators, and with a breathy voice she intoned, "'I'm a bad, bad girl'--and then I'd like some spanking sounds." While the others laughed, she continued in the background, "Whack! 'Oh, yes. Again'. Whack"

That was the extent of it, but now I'm really starting to wonder about that lady. And I'll certainly be listening for any other possible references!

A Good Spanking

It all started on August 7th over on Devlin O'Neill's Weblog with a post from Gwen with the title, Is It Friday "Yet"?......a phrase I've been known to mutter just about every day of the work week.....and yes, that includes Fridays.

Somehow, in the comments section, the discussion rather quickly turned to doing jell-o shots (along with a recipe for them) with everyone chiming in on the subject. Then I opened my big yap (as I've been known to do) with a prize-winning notion.

We all know drinks can have crazy names, I said. Like Sex On The Beach, for example. What we really needed was a drink called, A Good Spanking. Not being a bartender (or even much of a drinker) myself, I noted that I had no idea what such a drink would be comprised of--only that I liked the idea of women going up to the bartender--undoubtedly squeezing themselves into a space next to a good-looking guy--and saying, "I'd like A Good Spanking, please."

Gwen really liked the idea. She saw that it could be a great icebreaker--stand next to a good-looking someone and order that drink, and just imagine the ensuing possible conversation. It could also serve as a little coded message. A lady placing such an order is letting you know that she's not just thirsty--if you're sharp enough to pick up on it.

All we needed was a Spanko bartender to come up with the concoction--at which point CJ, a regular over at Devlin's blog, just happened to mention that she'd been to bartending school. So she experimented long and hard--heaven knows how many tries it took before she came up with the finished product. But come up with it, she did......and here, with a little tweaking from Dev, is the recipe for A Good Spanking:

- 1.5 oz. Bacardi Coconut Rum- 1.5 oz. Bacardi O Rum- Pineapple Juice- Orange Juice- Mix this first over cracked ice in a tall glass to a little over 3/4 full…
- Then add .5 to .75 oz. Sloe Gin on top by slowly pouring atop an inverted spoon.- Garnish with a cherry halved on top of an orange slice

Now we just need bartenders the world over to become familiar with the drink. So everybody, gather up your courage! Copy the above recipe on to a 3 X 5 notecard, or print out several copies and take it with you to the nearest watering hole and ask the bartender for A Good Spanking. And when he says, "Huh?" or "I don't know that one", hand him the recipe. With luck, he'll keep it on file, and other people will learn about it and it will become popular, and before long we'll have our very own handy conversation starter.

To read the full account, go to Devlin O'Neill's Weblog and look up the August 7th post. And then check out the August 29th post, "A Good Spanking! I'll Drink To That!" which is when the finished recipe was introduced

It's September, the kids are back in school and out of the house. This just might be a good time to have the neighbors over for a cocktail. Whatever you do, I hope you all enjoy A Good Spanking!

Things I Learned On The Cooper Lawrence Show

Work is boring. That's not one of the things I learned, as suggested by the title of this post. It just is. And I've known that for some time.

That's why I listen to the radio at work. It definitely makes the time go faster. I used to sit at work and listen to the AM sports talk station, and whenever there was a Minnesota Twins baseball game or a Minnesota Timberwolves basketball game on, I'd listen to that. If nothing was really grabbing my attention, I'd go to some FM music stations.

That was great up until about a year ago, when management decided to move our work area from the front of the building to the back of the building.

I discovered the very first night in the new area that tuning in to the sports talk station produced nothing but static and little tiny voices in the background. Pretty much unlistenable. The baseball game was white noise and interference from some source, and the basketball game couldn't be picked up at all. Moving around in the new location, I finally found some areas where the baseball game sort of came in. It was half static and half announcers, and if you could put up with the static, you could listen to the game.

Still, a ball game only fills a few hours of any given day. I needed more of a diversion than that. So I started hunting around the FM dial. I found that two of the music stations I listened to came in fairly well, so that was good. I was looking for at least one more alternative--which is how I stumbled upon the Cooper Lawrence Show.

FM 107.1 is radio station WFMP. I affectionately call it Radio Frump. I happened to tune in to the Cooper Lawrence Show between 7 and 10 p.m. one evening, and within minutes of listening I was laughing out loud. And I MEAN "out loud." That almost never happens, but this stuff was FUNNY.

COOPER LAWRENCE is a relationship and psychology expert with a master's degree in developmental psychology. She is currently finishing her doctorate in applied developmental psychology. She's an author, with her current book being The Cult of Perfection. She has appeared on TV as a relationship expert on shows such as Showbiz Tonight, The Tyra Banks Show, and on the Fox News Channel. She hosts her radio show along with Anthony Michaels and Chad Bowar.

The audio tag for the show is, "It's smart talk about real life"......except, as Anthony Michaels has pointed out, it almost never is that. It's more like chaos, is what it is. The three of them pick on and tease each other so much, you'd think they were related. Since it is a call-in show, they once asked their listeners what the audio intro for the show should be instead of, "It's smart talk....". One listener suggested, "Boobs talking about boobs." (The show, btw, actually made that into an audio introduction and have used it on occasion.) Another listener suggested, "The Cooper Lawrence Show--It's not the end of civilization, but you can see it from here."

I'm seriously considering putting that line somewhere at the top of my blog!

Anyway, as you may have guessed, in spite of Cooper's impressive credentials, they don't take themselves--or much of anything else--too seriously. They crack each other up, and in turn it cracks me up. The humor runs the gamut from sophisticated to about as low as low-brow can get. And as I've mentioned, every weeknight that I listen has me often laughing out loud. The people I work with must be starting to wonder about me.....

So what are the things I learned from the show this week?

Well, I learned that many--not all, but many--song titles are much funnier if you add the words, "When I pee" after the title. So John Cougar Mellencamp's song, "Hurts So Good" becomes, "Hurts So Good (when I pee)". That boy has a problem....

Prince's song becomes, "Purple Rain (when I pee)". Makes you wonder what the man's been drinking.....

The most disgusting example they came up with was a song by Kiss, "Lick It Up." I'll leave you to fill in the rest.

The other thing I learned? It's almost always funny when you change the word, "heart" in any song to "fart". Pat Benetar's well-known song changes from "Heartbreaker" to "Fartbreaker."
Try it with Toni Braxton's "Unbreak My Heart". Or Celene Dion's, "My Heart Will Go On...."

If you go to http://www.cooperlawrenceshow.com and look under the "What's Happening" section, you'll see an entry called "Changing Song Lyrics audio". You can play the whole thing back and listen for yourself. There are other audio clips available as well, if you want to explore further. See if you don't crack a smile or two. You can also listen live on-line, or get it on podcast.

You can also check out an alternative site they have set up, "Bob's House Of Meat". http://www.bobshouseofmeat.com If it's still there, listen to The Hamburger Song.

It's gonna be a fun Labor Day Weekend......

The Count, The Kat, and The Cook

I know, I know....the title for this blog entry reads like the next installment of The Chronicles of Narnia. But it does all make sense. Really.

The count, of course, is the number of hits on this blog. Sometime this past Sunday we went over 60,000 and naturally, I'm thrilled. To think that one person visited here 60,000 times is a true study in dedication.

Okay, of course I'm kidding. Thanks to everyone who has been here, read what I've had to say, and then came back for more. I hope you keep visiting and find things you like.

The Kat is the newest member of the blog roll. Kat the Brat started a blog in July called, Katisms: ramblings of an uberbrat. (There should be some little accent marks over the "u", but I don't have it on my keyboard, so the "u" will have to sit there unadorned.) There's a lot of good pictures--the girl is definitely not camera shy--and she's more than happy to share her spanko journey with us. Right now she's getting ready for the Shadow Lane party out in Vegas. She should have some good stories to tell when she gets back. You can, of course, find the link to her blog over on the right-hand side of the page.

Finally, the Cook is....well....me. The spaghetti and meatballs that I wrote about in my last post, "Taking Stock" never did get made. I got involved with playing, "Half-Life 2" on my Xbox, and the hours just flew by. Next thing I knew, it was way too late to start cooking anything that would require much time, so I dropped the idea of pasta and just found something quick-and-easy to fix.

I'm still in the mood for the pasta, and with Labor Day weekend coming up, I should have time to throw it together. But I'm not going to do spaghetti and meatballs. I'm going to do something that will require a tad more time, but winds up being better tasting--at least, in my opinion. Here's what I do (and you might want to try it yourself sometime. It's pretty darn easy.)

I almost hesitate to call this a "recipe", but I guess it qualifies. You need: 1 onion, about 4 or 5 stalks of celery, two cans of sliced mushrooms (you can buy fresh and cut them up if you want; myself, I'd rather take the easy route), a package of ground Hot Italian Sausage (get the mild or sweet Italian Sausage if you don't like the spiciness of the Hot), a package of spaghetti (7 oz. to a pound) and a jar of spaghetti sauce. For the sauce, I usually go with something like Ragu Roasted Garlic--nothing too elaborate. Again, if you want to go to the trouble of making your own homemade tomato sauce, knock yourself out.

In a big pan on the top of the stove, brown the ground Hot Italian Sausage. Crumble the sausage while it's cooking, much the same way you'd break hamburger down for sloppy joes. While it's browning, chop up the onion and the celery. Keep the pieces bite-sized, like 1/4" or less. When the meat has been browned, you can drain off the fat (or not--it doesn't really matter) and then throw the onion and the celery into the pan and continue cooking. Reduce the heat on the stove top at this time to, oh, medium heat.

Stir everything around in the pan until the onions start to sweat. Don't let them go too long--you don't want them translucent, just.......sweaty. At this point, throw in the mushrooms, stir it around a bit, and then add the jar of spaghetti sauce. Cover the pan, reduce the heat to "simmer", and let it simmer away for about 20 minutes.

While that's simmering, cook up the spaghetti. I'm not going to sit here and say, "First, you boil water." You know how to cook pasta. (If you don't, follow the directions on the box.)

When the pasta is done, drain it (duh!) and you're just about ready. Turn off the heat under the sauce, put some pasta on a plate, covered it with some of the sauce and you're good to go. You could also just throw all of the pasta into the pan with the sauce, stir it up and then dish it up from there. Sprinkle with parmesan cheese, serve with garlic bread and the beverage of your choice, and you've got a nice little meal. And all it took was a jar of spaghetti sauce and the willingness to "chunk it up" a little.

Because of the spices in the Hot Italian Sausage, the longer it sits and the spices get a chance to permeate the sauce, the better it tastes. You'll probably have enough to get two or three meals out of this. It's quick and easy--it could probably qualify as a Rachel Ray "30-minute meal"--and I find the results to be rather soul-satisfying. So--enjoy!

Think I could interest the Food Network in a show called, "The Spanking Chef"? :-)