Mother Goosed

This poem/parody popped into my head a few days ago, exactly as shown here. I didn't even have to work on it or tweak it. It plays off of a nursery rhyme:

Wee Willy Winkie lives on his own

Sits in his house watching spanking porn

Pleasures himself quite often, does he

Which just might explain why his willy is wee.....


Now, where exactly that come from, why it should arrive in my head full-blown, I have no idea. I suspect it might have something to do with the "Whose Line Is It, Anyway?" DVDs that I got for Christmas, but there's no way to know for sure.

The one thing I DO know for sure is that nursery rhymes are very easily converted to little spanking poems, probably because of the very basic rhyme scheme and form. I dare say anyone can do it. As proof of this, I devised three more poems on the drive home from work (which usually takes all of twenty minutes). If I can compose them that fast, anybody can. The hardest part--if you want to call it that--is to figure out where to substitue the word "spank" or "spanking" in the regular poem.

This next one actually contains some practical advice:


Georgie Porgie, puddin' and pie

Spanked the girls and made them cry.

He should try a lighter hand--

Might find himself more in demand.


Not every girl, of course, wants you to spank her as hard as you can--especially if they're new to spanking or just naturally have a fairly low tolerence. Varying your technique somewhat can have quite beneficial side-effects. (And yes, I realize that there are, indeed, some ladies out there who want you to go at their bottom with your palm like a jackhammer on cement--but there's still nothing wrong with starting out lighter. If she wants you spank harder, believe me--she has ways of letting you know!)

Here's another one:


Old Mother Hubbard

Went to the cupboard

That's where she kept her school cane

Once she got there

Her daughter stripped bare

And got whacked again and again.


I mean, seriously--this stuff practically writes itself.

Think of the nursery rhyme, "Little Jack Horner". Now think of the rhyme "Little Miss Muffett." Now say them one after another and you'll see that, in rhyme scheme and form, they are virtually identical. Little Jack and Little Miss lastname are sitting somewhere eating food. Bam, there's your first three lines for two different poems.

Of course, the end result is different. Jack desecrates his pie with his thumb and thinks he's being a good boy. Miss Muffett is frightened by a spider and runs away. From this we learn that men often reward themselves for crass and churlish behavior, and women are easily scared things that need protecting. Back in Mother Goose's day, that was probably a pretty standard message.

These days, of course, it would be a little bit different--

Little Miss Muffett

Sat on a tuffet

Eating her curds and whey

Along came a spider

That sat down beside her

And Little Miss Muffett stomped the bejeezus out of it.


And as for our boy Jack, well--that's the last poem I came up with:


Little Jack Horner

Stood in the corner

For a half hour or more

Once he got free

He went over her knee

And, boy! Did his bottom get sore!


If you'd like to try your hand at a spanking nursery rhyme, feel free to post it as a comment.
I look forward to reading your efforts!

And, of course, if you don't want to write a parody--normal comments are always welcome, too!