Saturday, August 30, 2008
That's why I listen to the radio at work. It definitely makes the time go faster. I used to sit at work and listen to the AM sports talk station, and whenever there was a Minnesota Twins baseball game or a Minnesota Timberwolves basketball game on, I'd listen to that. If nothing was really grabbing my attention, I'd go to some FM music stations.
That was great up until about a year ago, when management decided to move our work area from the front of the building to the back of the building.
I discovered the very first night in the new area that tuning in to the sports talk station produced nothing but static and little tiny voices in the background. Pretty much unlistenable. The baseball game was white noise and interference from some source, and the basketball game couldn't be picked up at all. Moving around in the new location, I finally found some areas where the baseball game sort of came in. It was half static and half announcers, and if you could put up with the static, you could listen to the game.
Still, a ball game only fills a few hours of any given day. I needed more of a diversion than that. So I started hunting around the FM dial. I found that two of the music stations I listened to came in fairly well, so that was good. I was looking for at least one more alternative--which is how I stumbled upon the Cooper Lawrence Show.
FM 107.1 is radio station WFMP. I affectionately call it Radio Frump. I happened to tune in to the Cooper Lawrence Show between 7 and 10 p.m. one evening, and within minutes of listening I was laughing out loud. And I MEAN "out loud." That almost never happens, but this stuff was FUNNY.
COOPER LAWRENCE is a relationship and psychology expert with a master's degree in developmental psychology. She is currently finishing her doctorate in applied developmental psychology. She's an author, with her current book being The Cult of Perfection. She has appeared on TV as a relationship expert on shows such as Showbiz Tonight, The Tyra Banks Show, and on the Fox News Channel. She hosts her radio show along with Anthony Michaels and Chad Bowar.
The audio tag for the show is, "It's smart talk about real life"......except, as Anthony Michaels has pointed out, it almost never is that. It's more like chaos, is what it is. The three of them pick on and tease each other so much, you'd think they were related. Since it is a call-in show, they once asked their listeners what the audio intro for the show should be instead of, "It's smart talk....". One listener suggested, "Boobs talking about boobs." (The show, btw, actually made that into an audio introduction and have used it on occasion.) Another listener suggested, "The Cooper Lawrence Show--It's not the end of civilization, but you can see it from here."
I'm seriously considering putting that line somewhere at the top of my blog!
Anyway, as you may have guessed, in spite of Cooper's impressive credentials, they don't take themselves--or much of anything else--too seriously. They crack each other up, and in turn it cracks me up. The humor runs the gamut from sophisticated to about as low as low-brow can get. And as I've mentioned, every weeknight that I listen has me often laughing out loud. The people I work with must be starting to wonder about me.....
So what are the things I learned from the show this week?
Well, I learned that many--not all, but many--song titles are much funnier if you add the words, "When I pee" after the title. So John Cougar Mellencamp's song, "Hurts So Good" becomes, "Hurts So Good (when I pee)". That boy has a problem....
Prince's song becomes, "Purple Rain (when I pee)". Makes you wonder what the man's been drinking.....
The most disgusting example they came up with was a song by Kiss, "Lick It Up." I'll leave you to fill in the rest.
The other thing I learned? It's almost always funny when you change the word, "heart" in any song to "fart". Pat Benetar's well-known song changes from "Heartbreaker" to "Fartbreaker."
Try it with Toni Braxton's "Unbreak My Heart". Or Celene Dion's, "My Heart Will Go On...."
If you go to http://www.cooperlawrenceshow.com and look under the "What's Happening" section, you'll see an entry called "Changing Song Lyrics audio". You can play the whole thing back and listen for yourself. There are other audio clips available as well, if you want to explore further. See if you don't crack a smile or two. You can also listen live on-line, or get it on podcast.
You can also check out an alternative site they have set up, "Bob's House Of Meat". http://www.bobshouseofmeat.com If it's still there, listen to The Hamburger Song.
It's gonna be a fun Labor Day Weekend......
Wednesday, August 27, 2008
The count, of course, is the number of hits on this blog. Sometime this past Sunday we went over 60,000 and naturally, I'm thrilled. To think that one person visited here 60,000 times is a true study in dedication.
Okay, of course I'm kidding. Thanks to everyone who has been here, read what I've had to say, and then came back for more. I hope you keep visiting and find things you like.
The Kat is the newest member of the blog roll. Kat the Brat started a blog in July called, Katisms: ramblings of an uberbrat. (There should be some little accent marks over the "u", but I don't have it on my keyboard, so the "u" will have to sit there unadorned.) There's a lot of good pictures--the girl is definitely not camera shy--and she's more than happy to share her spanko journey with us. Right now she's getting ready for the Shadow Lane party out in Vegas. She should have some good stories to tell when she gets back. You can, of course, find the link to her blog over on the right-hand side of the page.
Finally, the Cook is....well....me. The spaghetti and meatballs that I wrote about in my last post, "Taking Stock" never did get made. I got involved with playing, "Half-Life 2" on my Xbox, and the hours just flew by. Next thing I knew, it was way too late to start cooking anything that would require much time, so I dropped the idea of pasta and just found something quick-and-easy to fix.
I'm still in the mood for the pasta, and with Labor Day weekend coming up, I should have time to throw it together. But I'm not going to do spaghetti and meatballs. I'm going to do something that will require a tad more time, but winds up being better tasting--at least, in my opinion. Here's what I do (and you might want to try it yourself sometime. It's pretty darn easy.)
I almost hesitate to call this a "recipe", but I guess it qualifies. You need: 1 onion, about 4 or 5 stalks of celery, two cans of sliced mushrooms (you can buy fresh and cut them up if you want; myself, I'd rather take the easy route), a package of ground Hot Italian Sausage (get the mild or sweet Italian Sausage if you don't like the spiciness of the Hot), a package of spaghetti (7 oz. to a pound) and a jar of spaghetti sauce. For the sauce, I usually go with something like Ragu Roasted Garlic--nothing too elaborate. Again, if you want to go to the trouble of making your own homemade tomato sauce, knock yourself out.
In a big pan on the top of the stove, brown the ground Hot Italian Sausage. Crumble the sausage while it's cooking, much the same way you'd break hamburger down for sloppy joes. While it's browning, chop up the onion and the celery. Keep the pieces bite-sized, like 1/4" or less. When the meat has been browned, you can drain off the fat (or not--it doesn't really matter) and then throw the onion and the celery into the pan and continue cooking. Reduce the heat on the stove top at this time to, oh, medium heat.
Stir everything around in the pan until the onions start to sweat. Don't let them go too long--you don't want them translucent, just.......sweaty. At this point, throw in the mushrooms, stir it around a bit, and then add the jar of spaghetti sauce. Cover the pan, reduce the heat to "simmer", and let it simmer away for about 20 minutes.
While that's simmering, cook up the spaghetti. I'm not going to sit here and say, "First, you boil water." You know how to cook pasta. (If you don't, follow the directions on the box.)
When the pasta is done, drain it (duh!) and you're just about ready. Turn off the heat under the sauce, put some pasta on a plate, covered it with some of the sauce and you're good to go. You could also just throw all of the pasta into the pan with the sauce, stir it up and then dish it up from there. Sprinkle with parmesan cheese, serve with garlic bread and the beverage of your choice, and you've got a nice little meal. And all it took was a jar of spaghetti sauce and the willingness to "chunk it up" a little.
Because of the spices in the Hot Italian Sausage, the longer it sits and the spices get a chance to permeate the sauce, the better it tastes. You'll probably have enough to get two or three meals out of this. It's quick and easy--it could probably qualify as a Rachel Ray "30-minute meal"--and I find the results to be rather soul-satisfying. So--enjoy!
Think I could interest the Food Network in a show called, "The Spanking Chef"? :-)
Friday, August 22, 2008
Currently Drinking: Arizona Pomegranate Green Tea. Pomegranate must be the hot new flavor now. I'm seeing it everywhere. Just this past week I saw Mike's Hard Pomegranate Lemonade. If I didn't still have about 8 bottles of Mike's Hard Lime sitting in the fridge, I would have been tempted to buy it and try it.
Tuesday, August 19, 2008
Of course, I reserve the right to change my mind about that. But until that happens, it's time to update the Blog Roll with two new entries.
If you've been reading my blog for a while--or at the very least, have delved into the archives--then this first new entry should come as no surprise. It's my favorite spanking model, and she finally has a blog of her own: Spanking Sarah Gregory.
Saturday, August 16, 2008
That's right, Madonna turns 50 today. Hard to believe, isn't it? And it would seem that she's a little touchy on the subject. The number 50 is pretty much banned from her birthday party. No cakes or banners or ballons with the number 50. No birthday cards with the offending number displayed on it. Guests uttering the word, "fifty" are to be taken out and shot. (Okay, I made that last part up......but the rest of it is true. Madge seems to be willing to acknowledge that it's her birthday, but that's about it.)
Apparently her Kabbalah advisors have informed her that her "spiritual age" is 36. That must be something like your "mental age"--you know, you're actually 48 but you feel like you're 33. Well, Madonna's spiritual age knocks 14 years off of her. Hey, all of a sudden I find Kabbalah much more interesting! And you know, I'm actually 42--spiritually.
It seems like much ado about nothing to me, but if the former "Material Girl" wants to spiritually fudge her age, I'm not going to argue. I do, however, hope all of her guests line up and each one gives her 36 swats for her birthday spanking--with, oh, maybe 14 more for "good luck".
And, of course, one to grow on......
Thursday, August 14, 2008
It's hard to believe she was born in 1966 and is turning 42. Naturally, I volunteer to give this beautiful actress her birthday spanking! I should have no trouble zeroing in on the target area.....
In fact, by the time I'm done with her birthday spanking, she'll be seeing stars......
Happy birthday, Halle!
Friday, August 8, 2008
I'm finally done with work for the day, and almost can't wait to get inside my apartment. I say, "almost', since I've been gone all day and the air conditioner has been sitting idle, awaiting my return. The temperature in my one-bedroom space is going to be worse than it is out here in the parking lot.
I walk into the building and wait for the World's Slowest Elevator (WSE) to take me to the third floor. The hallway feels a bit cooler, which is nice. I put my key in, give it a quick turn, and open the door.
As expected, the apartment is stuffy. I put down the cooler I take to work every day and go check the thermostat. Almost 90 degrees. I walk straight to the air conditioner and turn it on. It's going to take some time before I can feel the effects. I could just sit and wait for it work. Maybe if I take a quick shower, I'll feel cooler, and the room temperature will have improved.
I decide on a third option which almost doesn't make sense, but I've done it before and it's worked out okay. I decide to go back out for a walk around the block.
I put my keys back in my pocket. I take my driver's license and place that in my other pocket. I leave the wallet in it's usual place on my kitchen counter. It's a very safe neighborhood--I wouldn't go for a late night walk, otherwise--but there's no harm in taking precautions. I step out into the hallway and lock the door behind me.
The WSE takes me back down to the main floor, and I go outside. The air now feels cooler in comparison to my hot box of an apartment. That will change once I start walking, I know, but the for moment, it feels quite comfortable.
The apartment complex is surrounded by garage spaces and chain link fences, but there is a gap in the fence near the corner of my building. I cut through there, walk past the Dunkin' Donuts, and reach my starting point. A deep breath, and I begin my walk.
The first stretch of the block is a long one. The sidewalk goes along a stretch of a main road, which is usually quite busy. At this time of night, cars are few. I'll turn left when I reach the end of this block, and then the street wends it way through some residential side streets. The whole thing is about a mile from start to finish. I reach the end of the first leg and turn left. As expected, the air no longer seems cool. I'm sweating lightly and, since I'm nowhere near to being even remotely in "good shape", my breathing has deepened. I walk past the gas station/convenience store that is on that corner and turn left again. Half-way home.
The first part of this block is a well-lit area containing a few apartment complexes. I get past those, and now I'm walking past a variety of houses. Some have their house lights on, some not. Some have yard lights. The street lights themselves are well-spaced, but still there are areas of darkness that they don't touch. I continue my walk, passing through pools of light and shadow.
Some of the houses have doors and windows open, trying to save on electricity. I can hear the laughter from late-night televsion programs, and sometimes the voices of the people who live there. I pass those, and now there's the hum of window units at work. Some houses are just silent. They probably have a central air unit in the back of the house which can't be heard from the street.
The road bends right, then left, then curves the other way again. I'm not sure who designed these streets, but I bet they got drunk first and thought, "I don't need any help drawing a shtraight line." I'm coming up to the oddest part of the block--a strange area that juts out so that the house on that particular lot is almost isolated from all the others.
And that's when I hear it. That strangely familiar, yet very distinctive, smacking sound, like solitary applause. It's a sound I've heard often walking the hallways at the Crimson Moon parties I attend. "Crickets", one lady calls it, tongue firmly planted in cheek.
I continue walking, getting closer to the solitary house. The noise gets a little louder. It's a very regular, steady beat. Clearly there's a few windows open in that house, and the sound carries well in the night air. I finally reach the corner, turn left, and keep moving.
I'm near the back of the noisy house now, and I must be closer to the room where all this is taking place, because the distinctive smacks are louder, and now a voice joins in. Mostly, it's saying variations of the word, "ow", as well as a few noises that are impossible to spell. Then I hear, "Okay, okay, OKAY, honey, I'm sorry! I really am! I really, really am! OW! Oh, my god! It won't happen again, I swear! Ow ow ow OWW! I've learned my lesson! Honestly!!! I'll never do it again! OUCH! Oh, sh..... Owwwwwwww! Honey! NO!! NO!! Don't you DARE take my panties down! DON'T YOU.....ow ow oww owww OWWWWWWWWIEEEE!!!!!!!!!"
I realize that I've stopped walking and am just standing on the street. As much as I'm enjoying the symphony, it's probably not a good idea. I smile to myself and head for the last turn. The voice fades in the background, but the crisp sounds of the spanking carry to the end of the block.
One more left turn, and I'm on the home stretch. I reach the end of the mile and head for my building. I go inside. My thoughts are on what I heard during the walk, and I don't even notice how slow the ascent is to my floor.
The apartment has now cooled off sufficiently. I hop in the shower and change into something loose and comfortable, a T-shirt and shorts. I had planned on turning on the TV, but after that walk, I feel like I'm in the mood for something to read. I look at my bookshelf, but none of the titles really grab me. I decide to turn on the computer and head for the internet.
All the buzz on many of the blogs I read seems to be about a new book, an anthology of 22 spanking stories called Spanked: Red-Cheeked Erotica.
The book was edited by Rachel Kramer Bussel. I decide to take some time and check out her site, http://www.rachelkramerbussel.com/, and discover some more information about the book, including the fact that it has it's own blog: http://www.spanked.wordpress.com/. I read some of the interviews. This anthology certainly has some well-known authors of erotica as contributors. There's a very book trailer promoting the book on both sites, including an appearance by the author herself. I sit back and watch it--a couple of times, truth to tell.
(portrait of the author)
Rachel Kramer Bussel is currently doing a virtual book tour. There's a schedule on the Spanked blog. There's going to be plenty here for me to check out and read, and a lot to look forward to. I tell myself it's a very smart way to promote a book.
(a better portrait of the author)
I note that the book is for sale on Amazon.com. I go to the address to check it out--http://www.amazon.com/Spanked-Red-Cheeked-Rachel-Kramer-Bussel/dp/1573443190?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1216176344&sr=1-1. There are 3 reviews here, and all of them give the book the highest possible rating, 5 stars. In fact, everything I've read so far has been positive and complimentary. I note that the Amazon has the book available at a good price. I don't have to think about it long--a few clicks and I have the book ordered. It doesn't do me any good for tonight, but it should arrive by the weekend. It's always nice to have something to look forward to.
For tonight, I decide to go check out the first 8 blogs on the Virtual Tour. That, I decide, should be the perfect conclusion to what started out as a simple walk around the block.
(The story of my walk around the block is purely fictional. Rachel Kramer Bussel's book, Spanked: Red-Cheeked Erotica, however, is very real. Check out all the sites I've mentioned above for interviews, reviews, the book trailer, etc. If you like spanking fiction, you're going to want to add this book to your collection. --Dr. Ken
Wednesday, August 6, 2008
And don't for one minute think that she isn't aware of the display she's putting on. Women dress very carefully when they go out--even if it's just for few games of pool--and I feel safe in saying she knows exactly what can be seen when she makes a shot like this!