Saturday, May 31, 2008

Sometimes Spellcheck Doesn't Help

What follows is a supposedly true story.

Spellcheck is a wonderful thing. I don't use it often enough, truth to tell. I'm sure you could go through my previous posts and find several spelling errors, if you were so inclined.

There are times when Spellcheck won't save you, however. If you type in the wrong word, and have spelled it correctly, Spellcheck won't point out your mistake. For example, if you're typing, "He tried to teach the students", but were thinking about the laundry you're going to do later, you could type, "He tried to bleach the students" by accident and Spellcheck will look at it and tell you there's no problem with the sentence since everything is spelled properly.

Likewise, if you transpose a couple of letters, Spellcheck will offer up the nearest equivalents to what it thinks you're trying to type. If you just assume that what's being offered is right and don't look at it too closely, you might just replace your word with something totally inappropiate. In both cases, after using Spellcheck, you do really need to go back and proofread what you've written with your own eyes.

One church secretary did, indeed, make one of the mistakes mentioned above as she was typing up the programs and the words to the hymns for an upcoming Sunday service. Who knows what she was thinking that may have distracted her (oh, who am I kidding? I think we ALL know what she must have been daydreaming about!).

Consequently, instead of the word, "speaking", puzzled parishoners that Sunday found themselves singing, "Teach us, O Lord, the art of spanking."

It probably didn't help that the next verse began with the words, "You release us from our bondage."

I think we all know what came next for the church secretary......


Michael said...

Gimme that ol' time religion!

I'm switching churches, Doc, see you next Sunday, and also hope to spank, er... see, no who am I kidding I meant spank, the church secretary.

Enjoyed your post, Dr. Ken. :)


Hermione said...

That is so funny, Dr. K. Especially the part about bondage coming right after it.

You can't beat a good old-fashioned proofreader, can you? Well, I guess you can, because that's what I am.


CJ said...

Dr Ken that is one sermon I would love to hear and hopefully sit through. LOL


Anonymous said...

Beat Hermione the Proofreader? Never! SPANK Hermione the Proofreader, absolutely. *G*

I can well imagine the consternation the secretary felt when she discovered the error, or more likely had it pointed out to her. Wonder if she thought the consequences would fit the crime. We can only hope. ;-)


Anonymous said...

Dr. Ken, this was a great story and I enjoyed it immensely especially the picture that went with it. I wonder if she was sitting on a sore bum the next Sunday! I hope so and I would have loved to see the reaction on her face when she realized her mistake or had it pointed out to her.

Cheryl said...

Really cute and funny, Ken! Makes me wonder if, by some chance, spanking wasn't on her mind when she typed up the sermon? Funny, but for me, words that start with SP just automatically make me think of spanking. Wonder why that is?

Hermione said...

Thanks, Devlin, for being such a gentleman. I was using 'beat' in its consensual, erotic form. But an upper-case SPANKing is so much nicer!

I often amuse myself by searching for typos in the leaflet during the sermon. Any more than three and I am free to leave :-)


Dr. Ken said...

Michael--Amen, brother!

Hermione--I agree. You can't beat a good old-fashioned proofreader. Spank her, yes....beat her, no.

CJ--Hi, and welcome to my blog! I hope you drop by often. As for the sermon, you might hear it--your ability to sit through it (and sit comfortably, for that matter) may be open to discussion...:-)

Dev--we have the same thought on the word, "beat", I think. It's one I would almost never use, the exception being if I used it jokingly, like telling some lady, "Remind me to beat your butt later on". For the most part, though, the image the word conjures up is too brutal for my tastes.

Pest--I imagine she felt like she could just melt right through the floor!

Cheryl--Oh, we KNOW why that is! LOL

Hermione--when it comes to SPANKING, I'd worry more about your lower, uh, "case" if I were you.... :-)