Friday, March 14, 2008

"Ow" is not a safeword

Safewords. Use 'em.

Okay, that's admittedly a bit short for a blog entry. On the other hand, it's not like there's anything new to say on the subject. As Dave of The Cherry Red Report says in one of his wonderful "Get Your Spank On" entries on his blog, there are a lot of spanking blogs out there, and it seems like every topic has been talked about already. So, I think it's safe to say none of you are going to read this and go, "Egad! Safewords? Brilliant!" and break out the Guinness.

What I--and all the other bloggers out there--can do is take a topic and give our own experience and our own perspective in regard to it. So even though there may already be 900 posts about safewords, each one is a little bit unique and has something the others won't have.

So--back on topic. You all know what a safeword is, or at least I hope you do. It's a word that the bottom can use to stop the action. It should be a word that normally does not come up during a spanking, thus making it easy for the Top to pick up on. "No", "stop", and "ouch" are not good safewords, for example.

I bring the subject up because it seems to me that a lot of new people coming into the spanking scene don't use them. They tend to gloss over that part and just want to get to the action. Don't do it. A safeword is a standard safety precaution, and you really do need one, and make sure the person you're about to play with knows what it is.

Some people have them, but they wind up afraid to use them for fear they'll seem like they're wimping out. Trust me--no one will think less of you if you safeword, and your bottom will probably thank you later. :-)

The most common, and perhaps the most popular, safewords use the concept of the traffic light. When the spankee says, "Red", everything should stop immediately and the spanking is over. The reason she uses the word isn't really important--maybe she feels that her bottom can't take anymore, maybe she's become uncomfortable with something that is happening. If it's important, she'll tell you why she called, "Red", but she doesn't really owe you an explanation. It's enough that she used the safeword, and that means, "Okay, that's it."

"Yellow" means slow down, or wait. It could just mean there's something she wants to talk over. Maybe she's developed a leg cramp. Maybe your knee is digging into her stomach and she needs to reposition herself. It doesn't mean the spanking is over, but she needs to have you pause for a bit.

"Green", of course, means everything is fine, and go, man, go!

Now obviously, if you're playing with someone who has been your spanking partner for the last 5 years, you already know the other persons safewords and don't have to go over it every single time. But if you're playing with someone new, a safeword is a very good idea.

I was at a Crimson Moon party many years back with a very nice lady, and she got herself into a bit of a situation. We were in the hospitality suite, so there were other people about, and one gentleman approached her and asked her to play, and she agreed, so he started spanking her there in the suite. She thought she knew the safeword, he thought he knew the safeword, so there was no discussion beforehand. The problem was--they were different safewords.

Without going into too much detail, something developed that she wasn't comfortable with, and she wanted to stop, so she said her safeword and--nothing happened. The spanking continued. So she said it again, and again nothing happened. At this point, she told me later, she just panicked. Her mind went into overdrive, her body felt like it shut down, she couldn't move, and all she was aware of was that she was in a bad situation and couldn't stop what was happening.

Fortunately, one of the party organisers was nearby, realized that her distress was genuine, and stepped in to stop the action. As they talked it out, they discovered the problem of the two different safewords. Needless to say, she made a vow to herself to never let that happen again.

We were talking later and she said, "So, Ken, what should I use as my safeword?"

I suggested, "Lorena Bobbitt". Hey, if that doesn't get a guy to stop what he's doing immediately....!

So--safewords. Use 'em.


Season said...

So what if the spanker is color blind? :)

Indiana said...

Lorena Bobbit?! LOL, Dr. Ken, but I think I'll stick to something more standard!

Pest said...

Season-that is really funny! Well then I guess the spaker will have to be TOLD when the red is shown! Hehehehe!

Pest said...

Okay, NOW that I have read the whole post I can understand the "Lorena Bobbit" comment! Yeah that would work for me! Hehehehehehe!

Dr. Ken, yes I do agree with you on safewords. Personally, I think there is NO limit on discussion of safewords. I learned the hard way about using safewords. At first I didn't use them because I thought it would make me look weak, not able to take a good spanking which I pride myself in, etc. I have had a few experiences with using safewords and some aren't so good.

The good times of using safewords the spanker did stop no matter the reason. After I said "red" everything stopped and then they comforted me saying I was a good girl, I took my spanking well, etc.

The one bad experience I will NEVER forget will stay with me and I can't stress enough about the safety of safewords NO matter what you think! YOU ARE NOT A WIMP IF YOU USE SAFEWORDS! They are there for your protection! As to my experience the guy knew I safeworded but he DIDN'T stop. Within half an hour I was bruised and sore. He forced me to do some things to him I would have NEVER done but I was TOO shocked and submissive to stop him until he was done with me. He wanted me to cry but I didn't so he spanked me harder until I would but he was sadly mistaken.

Also be sure you know your play partner or make sure someone knows what is going on for safety reasons as well.

Okay I will shut up on this subject now. I think you all get the picture! LOL!

Cheryl said...

Ken, this is such an important topic I don't think it can be stressed enough. Whether you've been playing for years or are new to the scene, you should have a safeword AND the will to use it if necessary. BTW, mine is "Enough!" LOL. Pretty too the point, huh?

PS: See you in two weeks!

Pest said...

Where is everybody? It appears they have all disappeared! Hmmmm guess I can wreck havoc to see if Dr. Ken is paying attention! LOL!

Dr. Ken said...

SEASON--it shouldn't matter. If the spanker is DEAF...well, that's another story...

INDIANA--standard is probably better. Besides, if you're bad with names like I am, you most definitely don't want to use a name as a safeword!

PEST--sorry to hear about your bad experience, but thanks for your input. It is an important topic, and I hope that people who are just getting into the scene become more aware of it and learn to follow all proper precautions.

CHERYL--straightforward and to the point--an excellent combination! Of course, I think there is one member of Crimson Moon (can't remember who) who's safeword is, "Safeword!" You can't make it any plainer that that....

Dr. Ken

Wintermute said...

Personally, I like "stop" as a safeword. Or "too hard". They're both easy to remember and I have not found that they come up in play. So the naughty girl can say "I'll be good, please don't spank me" as much as she likes, but stop means stop.