Saturday, March 8, 2008

Musical Interlude: Sing along with Dr. Ken

Here's how this post came about:

One of my favorite songs recently has been "Rockstar" by Nickelback from their CD All The Right Reasons.

One of the favorite recurring topics on spanking message boards has always been, "What TV star would you like to spank, or like to see spanked?"

So I've combined the two. The result is this song parody called, "TV Stars". If you don't know the tune, you can probably find it on the web. I believe there's a version of the video on YouTube--just search for Nickelback-Rockstar.

You can, of course, just read this as a poem, but I think it's more fun to sing along....

And if you recognize all the shows and the ladies named--you watch too much TV!

Sing loud, now.....lyrics start after the picture:

I'm tired of watching TV and nobody gets spanked
I wish some guest would take a paddle to Tyra Banks
These TV shows today aren't what I hoped they would be

I'd like to see some spanking around the dial
On Cable and Network--that would make me smile
'Cause all the ladies on the air sure look spankworthy to me

There'd be bottom-warmings for Desperate Housewives
And Girlfriends would get the spankings of their lives
The women of Friends would all get the wooden spoon

Kari Byron would get her butt busted
And Rachel Ray would get her seat dusted
You could set your evil designs on Heidi Klum

I'd like to see some spankings on my TV
I'd like it even better if the spanker were me

'Cause we all just wanna spank TV stars
Like Kristen Bell of Veronica Mars
Or Billie Piper from Doctor Who
Or the Cashmere Mafia's Lucy Liu

And I'd watch Xena spank Gabrielle
Then Hercules could spank Xena as well
Upend Judy Reyes and Sarah Chalke
Smack the seat of their Scrubs until you make them squawk

And hey, hey, I'd spank the TV stars
Hey, hey, I'd spank the TV stars

Sore buns for Buffy the Vampire Slayer, Anya and Willow
And Cordelia'd have to sit on a big, soft pillow
A Spanking Demon--now there's a plot for the show

Whack the roundest part of Grey's anatomy
Paddling Katherine Heigl sounds good to me
Swat Sandra's upturned bottom until she yells, "Oh!"

I'd like to see some spankings on my TV
I'd like it even better if the spanker were me

'Cause we all just wanna spank TV stars
Like Kristen Bell of Veronica Mars
Or Helen Hunt from Mad About You
Or the Cashmere Mafia's Lucy Liu

Swat Yunjin Kim from the cast of Lost
Grab Judith Light and show her Who's the Boss
Spank Padma Lakshmi from Bravo's Top Chef
And the Girls Next Door (apologies to Hef)

NCIS, I'd spank Lauren Holly
And Abby, played by Pauley Perrette, by golly
Cote de Pable would be made to bend
For some good firm slaps on her cute rear end

And hey, hey, I'd spank the TV stars
Hey, hey, I'd spank the TV stars

I'd spank TV wives who got too bossy
Like Ally McBeal's John did Portia de Rossi
Truth to tell I'd like to spank them all
Go back in time and make Lucille bawl

'Cause we all just wanna spank TV stars
Like Kristen Bell of Veronica Mars
Or Freema Agyeman from Doctor Who
Or the Cashmere Mafia's Lucy Liu

Agent 86 could try his spanking arts
On Agent 99 until her bottom smarts
And Luke could cook up some mayhem
Spanking Gilmore Girls Lauren Graham

The Enterprise would be quite a wreck
As Kirk spanks the ladies on Star Trek
Ugly Betty'd have trouble sitting down
And there's a hairbrush waiting for Murphy Brown

And hey, hey, I'd spank the TV stars
Hey, hey, I'd spank the TV stars


Gwen said...

That's GREAT, Dr. Ken! I'll never listen to Rock Star the same way again. (Love that song, great rhythm.)

Have a good weekend -


Pest said...

And here I thought it was Dr. Ken having too much time on his hands to make up little rhymes like this! LOL!

I am sure Dr. Ken would have a good weekend IF he could spank a female behind! I am too far away and so is Gwen! Poor Dr. Ken! *WEG*

Pest said...

Guess I should have read the rest of the post! Hehehehehe!

Dr. Ken, I have heard of most of the television shows but do NOT watch them! I would love to see Lucy Lawless spank Renee O'Connor and have Hercules spank both of them! Of course Shannon Doherty from Charmed could have used some good smacks as well as Alyssa Milano (who also played in Who's the Boss with Tony Danza)!

Michael said...

Wonderful parody, Dr. Ken! Thanks, I really enjoyed it. I think everyone has a special spot in their heart to see Xena spank Gabrielle. ;) To show my appreciation I have written a limerick.

There once was a doctor named Ken
For whom spanking women he had a big yen
His arm was so strong
He could spank all day long
Never needing a pause to take ten

Season said...

"Truth to tell I'd like to spank them all
Go back in time and make Lucille bawl"

You had me LOL with that one! :)

Devlin O'Neill said...

Godfrey Daniel! Mother of pearl! - as some guy who never did any TV but should have once said. *G*

Out STAND ing riff, sir! Top notch stuff, I do depose, although I missed many of your references. They're all in rerun somewhere, I'm sure, so I'll have to make a list.

Probably you had your reasons for not mentioning the 'Spank Me!' song performed so admirably by Cybil Shepherd's TV daughter - 'Chloe' was her character name there but I forget what they called her on "Ally McBeal" - but I thought I should mention it, simply because I've always thought 'Chloe' should have had her illustrious, red-headed, highly intelligent tushy toasted way back then, along with her small-screen mother's - 'art film' my left hind foot, Cybil. You got a kick out of going topless in "Last Picture Show," so just admit it and take your licking.

Um ... where was I? Oh yeah. Big doings on that other blog, the one Gwen controls. Check in when you get a minute.

-Dev O'Neill

Anonymous said...

Dr. Ken,

That's awesome! It was even funnier because Rock Star had been on the radio about 10 minutes before I read this.

Great song, as originally written, your lyrics are great spin off!

Honestly, you may want to copywrite, or whatever they do with music. I could see Wierd Al Yankovich recording this one.

Hockey Goon

Dr. Ken said...

GWEN--thank you! High praise coming from the PKE herself. And I agree, good song, good rhythm, and I like the sense of humor that runs through Rock Star.

PEST--Yes, you are too far away--at the moment.
And it does help to read the whole post.....LOL drew a very nice picture of Xena taking Gabby to task. I think it was called, "A Warrior's Hand".
And thanks for the poem (and it's all true, btw) :-)

SEASON--I'd rather have you OTK. *EG* Glad you got a chuckle out of it. My sole reason for living is to make people laugh.
Okay, maybe not my SOLE reason...

DEVLIN--Wow, I would have thought you'd be one of the people to get all the references! Of course, you were probably too busy writing your wonderful books and actually spanking someone to watch the tube... :-) Anyway, which references didn't you get? Maybe I should post a list....
And I ALWAYS check that "other" blog....

HOCKEY GOON--talk about serendipity! At least the tune was fresh in your mind.
I'm not worried about Weird Al. I'm willing to bet he could come up with something better.
Oh, and just for you--in the HS tournament:
Class 2A championship
Hill-Murray - 3. Edina - 0
Class 1A championship--
St. Thomas Academy - 5, Duluth-Marshall - 1

Season said...

Can you have me OTK and make me laugh at the same time? :-)

Cigi said...

Ken, that was great! I laughed till I almost cried. I mean, I knew you were funny, but that one took the prize. I'm just surprised that there were no ladies mentioned from Star Trek...are you not a Trekkie anymore? lol

Do you remember the Limmerick competition on the Crimson Moon list from a few years ago? I wrote you one that I thought was funny.

Season-- yes, Ken can make you laugh while he spanks's a devilish game he likes to play lol


Anonymous said...

Dr. Ken,

Thanks for the update! I did some work with both of the winners when I was in college. I also graduated from the "big brother" university of the 1A champs.
Hockey Goon

Pest said...

Season-having you OTK and laughing at the same time....wouldn't that be hard on the tummy? LOL! I am sure Dr. Ken can do anything that he puts his mind too! Well, almost anything! LOL!

Dr. Ken-Well, I am NOT planning on a trip to MN anytime soon since I don't travel without a sighted person! LOL! If you want me you would have to come get me! A nice challenge I am sure! *WEG*

dariachick said...

OMG >squee< Love It!! In regards to the Doctor who reference... although I LOVE 10 played by David Tennant I think Rose's bottom would have been rosened best by 9 played by Chris Eccleston >sigh<...

>insert day dream sequence here<

oh bother thats not here nor there just wanted to let you know wonderful blog by the way :)


Dr. Ken said...

DARIACHICK--Christopher Eccleston's Doctor probably would be the more likely candidate to dole out a good smackbottom to Billie Piper's Rose.
For that matter, almost all the Doctor's companions--with very few exceptions--probably could have benefited from being upturned over the Doctor's knee at some point over the years!
Good to see you hear! I'm glad you found and are enjoying the blog!

Dr. Ken